Attending a Wedding Sober – a Survival Guide for Girls and Guys

header pic sober wedding

Romance, commitment, dedication, love, adoration. Some of the words that might be used to describe the union of man and wife on their special wedding day.

For others, however, words that are conjured up during these events might also include drunk, wasted, inebriated, smashed, trolleyed, badgered, splattered or my personal favourite – cabbaged.

It’s no secret that weddings are a lot of fun, maybe too much fun, and tend to get out of hand with open bars and champers flowing more abundantly than H2O (this is definitely a thing).

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Closing on 1 month without alcohol, and having attended approximately one wedding event sober in my life, I am obviously an expert in the field and thought I would impart some handy tips to get you through a wedding without booz and with just as much fun.

So here we go:

  1. Prepare yourself – the day is going to long and there will be lots of alcohol around. Accept, relax and move forward
  2. After the ceremony is over and you have wiped away those tears, instead of grabbing a glass of champers on arrival at the reception – request (or demand) Grapetizer or apple juice in a champagne glass and blend into your surroundings
  3. Be sure to always have a drink in your hand filled with soda and lime or other soft drinks to ensure no need for “top-ups” from others (note – watch those glasses! Humans at weddings will try and get you to drink no matter what)
  4. If there are no non-alcoholic drinks are available – in a desperate attempt to blend in or make a toast – grab a glass of champers and just hold it – and then set it down when you are in the clear (no one will notice you are not drinking)
  5. Once you are seated and the food starts coming out – sit back and ENJOY every bite knowing you can basically eat whatever the hell you want and still consume less calories than your friends (muhaha)
  6. When desert comes out, eat all of it, and when your drunk buddies neglect theirs – feel free to eat theirs as well [please refer to point 5]
  7. When the speeches start – enjoy sharing this special moment and compliment the speakers (smugly remembering each word)
  8. Don’t tell people you are not drinking – this will most likely elicit gasps and very worried individuals who will alternate between trying to talk you into drinking, and congratulating you whilst staring deep into your soul (run…run away fast)
  9. If you prefer not to drink tequila – avoid the bar area and rather order your bevvies from the waiters instead
  10. Once the dance floor is open – get on it! The only way to warm up is on the d-floor – the sooner the better
  11. The music will probably be a LOT worse than you ever expected – do not panic. Try request a few songs from the DJ, and worst case scenario just dance like you are loving it anyway. If you can’t beat them…
  12. Time for wedding cake! Usually too pre-occupied with tequila and bottles of wine before, you probably didn’t even know the cake part existed. Not this time. Get in ma’ belly! [again please refer to point 5]
  13. Although you may think drinking gives you energy, it often does the opposite – hours of day-drinking results in grumpy and often hangry (hunger-induced anger) feelings later on. This won’t be an issue for you.
  14. Take lots of photos – you do not need to worry about looking like a troll
  15. If you are a lady and friends are asking why you aren’t drinking – just say you are preggers and enjoy the show. If you are a guy – you could also say you have a life threatening disease and are on special meds. Works equally as well 😉
  16. When you have had enough – go home – you don’t have to stay out until 2am to prove anything – give yourself freedom to leave whenever you want – and feel safe driving home without relying on drunken drivers or having to pay exorbitant Uber fees
  17. If you think people care about your drinking, you’re wrong. Nobody cares much as you do – people are too wrapped in their own lives to notice
  18. Wake up and enjoy the rest of the weekend hangover-free – take a road trip and explore your surroundings – enjoy the scenery along the way, stop at café’s, art shops or for a picnic along the way
  19. Remember what the day is about – it is not about you, and how much free alcohol you can consume, it’s about someone you love getting married – yikes. It’s a huge deal and a really special moment to be a part of
  20. Now for the old cliché to wrap it all up – ‘have fun’ – seriously weddings are awesome and a lot of fun, even without booz. Let go of your anxieties, soak up the moment, and enjoy the memories. Try it 🙂

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4 Thoughts to “Attending a Wedding Sober – a Survival Guide for Girls and Guys”

  1. Nubby_NZ

    This is cool! I went to a wedding sober in February and had to perform a lip sync for the battle. I rocked it out and then it loosened me up to be able to dance and go crazy. This post is awesome.

    1. Sounds like an epic time ;)Glad you enjoyed it!

  2. Cara

    Wow Andy, I had no idea you were doing this! You write beautifully, and I find this so inspirational. Nice going xxx

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