By Maya Kiusalaas
“You should be so happy you are alive”, the nurse said as she pulled the respiratory tube out of my mouth and I regained consciousness.
I had no idea where I was or why I was here. Bright blueish light and beeping machines surrounded me. I turned around and saw my mum and dad, sitting next to me, happy to meet my eyes, but not without a hint of fright at what I had been capable of. As I opened my mouth to speak I felt a pain in my bottom lip. It felt like a hedgehog resting in the corner of my mouth. That’s when they told me I had fainted at the top of a staircase, rolled down and split my lip in half. My friends wanted to let me sleep the booze off, but a mum in the house thought they were better off calling an ambulance. If they hadn’t have done that, I would have been dead. My organs had had enough and I needed a respirator to survive the night. I didn’t stop drinking. I was sixteen years old.
My life has always been organized. I’ve always had the best marks in school, I never came to school or meetings late. I’ve never had a bad diet and have always looked after myself. But I’ve also always treated myself with alcohol. And a lot of it. A cold beer on a warm day, a warming drink on a cool day. If you look for it, there is always a reason to have a drink. To relax, to celebrate, to have fun, to be fun, to escape reality for a while. I’ve always loved drinking because then and only then, I could let go of all control.
Our whole lifestyle in the western world is evolved around drinking. It’s the norm. As a young adult you live life for the weekend, and on the weekend you get drunk. Sundays are made for hangovers, and we are taught to hate Mondays.
It’s socially acceptable to vomit and piss on the streets on a Friday or Saturday night, society almost seems to encourage it. Everyone wants you to piss on the street on a Friday. That’s what they want you to live for. Get so drunk that on Monday you come to the office or school and tell your friends that you are suicidal. So you walk around with your friends, feeling nauseous, craving shit food, with no energy and want to commit suicide. Funny how people don’t want to be around you on Mondays if you have had a relaxed weekend without street-pissing and vomiting. If you love life on a Monday, that is out of the norm.
Back then, when I was depressed and didn’t care about myself, what was a waste of a Sunday or Monday? I could live life vicariously through TV instead. I used alcohol to numb my brain. To stop thinking. To breathe. But then I started to explore self-love. Slowly, I found more and more qualities I loved in myself and grew a new-found confidence that I thought I already had. I started to actually love myself. Those hangover days, lying on the couch made me feel the opposite to how I wanted really wanted to feel in my life. I wanted to be happy, energetic and full of love! Drinking made me lose days and made me feel anxiety every morning. I had the opposite of a glow. I wanted to be fit, but I made bad decisions with drinking and neglected my body instead. My decisions were not aligned with the person I felt I was.
So I stopped for a few weeks. I watched movies and went out to nice dinners on the weekend (you can spend so much more money on nice food if you cut the alcohol), and feeling good became addictive! I appreciated every Sunday I could work out, and it felt so good. Every Monday morning I could wake up with a happy buzz. With energy. Filled with love. No anxiety.
I live life to the fullest now, and I feel like I’m naturally interested in so much more. I want to be in nature, I want to create, I want to be around people, I want to explore! Life has so much more to offer without hangover. I have found my life again and I am in LOVE with it!
I now run a blog called My Monday Love where I share my mistakes, my solutions, and my ways of living a life where I choose happiness. My goal is to inspire as many people as possible to do the same and learn from my mistakes.
Why not fall in love with your life again?
Originally from Sweden, Maya currently resides in Melbourne, Australia. Follow Maya on Instagram at @mymondaylove and visit the website at www.mymondaylove.com